


Little Talks

by StrongBrush1



Series: The Freelance Police Files [1]
Category: Prequel (Webcomic), Sam & Max
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Conversations, Crossover Pairings, F/M, First Dates, Impregnation, Nudity, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 03:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9417395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrongBrush1/pseuds/StrongBrush1
Summary: Samuel J. Wolfhound, in the midst of a lull between cases, gets set up on a date by his lifelong friend Maxwell Cottontail. For the sake of curiosity and fair chance, he goes along with it.Enclosed within this case file are some important details regarding the case of one Katia Managan.





	

January 7, 2017

* * *

11:45 AM

It was bitterly cold in Queens that morning, so I had to wear a coat over my suit. You would think the sight of a big brown dog in a big fluffy coat would turn a few heads, but the people of New York haven’t paid me any mind since the late 2000s. I’m not even thirty years old and already I’m being forgotten. Sad, really.  
The only reason I’m up and about today is that I met someone on “Matchbox” yesterday. Apparently Max set up a dating profile for me and didn’t tell me up until the moment I got a match. She and I texted back and forth for awhile and she seemed nice, so we decided to meet up.  
The destination was a small pizzeria in the middle of Nowhere Street. The objective was to have a nice little conversation with a woman I’d never seen before in my life and maybe, if things went well, spend the remainder of the day together. Possibly the night as well, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

* * *

11:55 AM

Eat ‘Cha Pizza. Small space, poorly maintained interior, fattening food, and three point five stars on Yowl. Not an upscale place for a first date, but hopefully it would do the trick. Or at least provide enough warmth to keep me and my date comfortable.  
Before I could get too sidetracked by my own thoughts, I saw the girl I was supposed to meet over by the back wall, sitting and occasionally glancing up at an old framed photo of a baseball team. I couldn’t tell which team it was from so far away, but that’s beside the point.  
She had yellow-orange fur, she wore a green hoodie and blue jeans, and she was staring down at the table with an expression not unlike a lost kitten. I hung up my coat and walked over to her, trying not to make a scene.  
I failed pretty miserably at not making a scene thanks to my careless disregard of a nearby ‘wet floor’ sign. The end result was one loud yelp, a bruised posterior, and a soggy suit jacket. So much for a good first impression.  
“You okay, sir?” she asked, with a vaguely British accent.  
“Yes, I’m okay. Thank you, ma’am. Are you Katia Managan, by any chance?”  
“Oh, yes, I am! Samuel Wolfhound, is it?”  
“Please,” I said, standing back up, “call me Sam.”  
“Alright then,” she said, fiddling with the pull-strings on her hoodie. “Nice to meet you in person, Sam.”  
I took off my suit jacket and hung it up over my coat. I made a mental note to head to the dry cleaners before I went home. “Pleasure’s all mine, Katia. Hope I didn’t keep you waiting long.”  
“Don’t worry, I only got here about ten minutes ago. Haven’t even ordered yet.”  
“You’ve been waiting for ten minutes and haven’t been served yet?”  
“Someone came by, but I told them I was waiting for you.”  
She smiled at me, and I smiled back. She was a nice girl, to say the least, although I could see in her eyes that she had been through many ordeals. I struggled to think up a topic of conversation. “You go on a lot of dates?”  
She bit her lower lip. “Not really. This is my first real date in quite a while.”  
“Real date?” I reflexively asked shortly before wanting to smack myself for asking. “Sorry, it’s just... never mind.”  
She blushed through her fur. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”  
“No, don't be sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”  
Katia glanced over at the picture again, evidently intrigued by it. “Do you know who these people are?”  
I glanced it over. “Oh! Those are the 1969 New York Mets. They won their first World Series that year, I think.”  
The kitten seemed perplexed. “World Series of what?”  
“Baseball.” Something clicked in my mind. “Not a very popular sport where you’re from, huh?”  
“Not really. We’re more interested in football and cricket.”  
“American Football or ‘Soccer’ Football?”  
“Oh, right. I forgot you Americans call it ‘soccer.’ Odd name for it.”  
“So, you’re from England?”  
“Yeah. Bristol, to be exact. Have you always lived in New York City?”  
“Yep. Born and raised right here in Queens.” She seemed confused. “That’s the name of the neighborhood.”  
“Oh, I see. Like ‘Manhattan’ or ‘The Bronx’, right?”  
“Yeah. Like that.”  
About that time the waiter, a burly and stout man with a unibrow and a greasy apron, came over to take our order. Apparently the kitchen had been having issues with their dishwasher, hence the delays and the wet floor. He rattled off a list of specials and the two of us decided to split a large pizza with pepperoni and anchovies.  
“Anything to drink wit’ dat?” inquired the oddly pleasant waiter.  
“Root beer, please,” I said.  
“An’ you, young lady?”  
“Do you have any pineapple juice?”  
“Nope, sorry.”  
“Well, in that case, how about some grape juice?”  
“We got grape soda. Is that okay?”  
“I… don’t really drink soda anymore. What about apple juice?”  
“Apple juice I can do. Ah’right. I’ll be back in a few.” The stout man walked back to the kitchen, shouting what I presumed to be our order in Italian.  
“Why’d you stop drinking soda?” I asked.  
“Well, I’m just... trying to abstain from fizzy drinks altogether.”  
“For health reasons?”  
“I’ve had some bad experiences that I’d rather not talk about.”  
“Oh. I’m sorry.”  
“It’s alright. You didn’t know.”  
The silence was uneasy. I could only imagine what Max must be up to about now without me. “So… what do you do for a living?”  
“Oh, I’m… still looking for work. I don’t have much of a resume, and I never went to college, so the search hasn’t been going well.”  
“Well, i’m sure you’d be a fine asset to any employer.”  
“You’re too kind.” She scratched behind her ear a bit. “What do you for work?”  
I paused for a moment and wondered how to describe my job to a woman I had never met. “Well, I’m a detective of sorts.”  
“Ooh, interesting. What kind of cases do you handle?”  
“Well, a lot of the cases I handle are somewhat… surreal.”  
“Surreal how?”  
I wasn’t sure how else to put it without coming off as insane. “Depends. Sometimes it’s supernatural, sometimes it’s extraterrestrial, other times it’s just plain odd cases that most officers at the NYPD wouldn’t be able to handle.”  
She stared at me in what I assumed was a typical mix of shock and disbelief.  
“I know. It sounds insane. But I don’t know how to tell someone that I fight demons and aliens for a living without sounding like a complete lunatic.”  
“No, no, I believe you. I just… didn’t realize that was a career option.”  
“It’s a very understaffed field in the criminal justice system. But we’ve been having an unusually slow run lately.”  
“Can’t imagine why…”  
The waiter came out with our food and drinks. We thanked him and he walked back to the kitchen to deal with the malfunctioning dishwasher. The food was delicious. Katia certainly seemed to enjoy hers, judging by her moans of pleasure as she took each bite. I was really feeling a connection to her now.  
“You know, I’m glad we took the time to meet up.”  
“Thanks. You’ve been very kind.”  
“No problem.”  
She took a sip of her water and glanced around before looking back at me. “Can I… show you something, Sam?”  
“What is it?”  
“Just a little trick I know.” She took a long breath, rubbed her hands together, and snapped her fingers. Two small flames appeared above her hands like she was holding invisible lighters. She put out one of the flames, and used the other to write my name in a glowing line.  
I was amazed. “How did you do that?”  
She put out her other flame. “Simple pyromancy spell. I would have done something more complex, but I don’t want to… you know, burn anything.”  
“And here I thought I’d seen everything.”  
“You’re never too old to learn something new,” she said with a small grin. “I didn’t know I could use fire magic until I turned 20.”  
“Your profile said you’re 22, is that right?”  
“Yeah, but I turn 23 in March.”  
“Really? What day in March?”  
“The 25th.”  
“Oh. I, uh… I turn 30 on the 3rd.”  
“Interesting…”  
The conversation was dying quickly. We locked eyes for a moment and silently agreed to just shut up for the rest of the meal and continue our conversation on the way out the door. We ended up finishing off the entire pizza, which was mostly my fault. I eat a lot when I’m nervous. I insisted on picking up the check.  
I was feeling gutsy, so I decided to make a move. “So, you want to come back to my place?”  
She seemed bewildered. “Really? So soon?”  
I immediately tried to backtrack. “I’m sorry. I just thought the date went well… I guess I got a little too over-enthusiastic…”  
“Oh, don't get me wrong, I’d be happy to go, I just… wasn't expecting you to ask so soon.”  
“What can I say? I’m desperate.”  
“I’ll call my roommate and tell her I’ll be late coming home.”  
“Alright then. You don’t mind if we stop by the dry cleaners on the way, do you?”  
“Oh, because of the jacket? No, I don’t mind.”

* * *

2:05 PM

After dropping my jacket off at the dry cleaners and being told to come back in two days, Katia and I walked to the apartment. Along the way we discussed pizza, the difference between English and American speech, and our favorite episodes of Seinfeld. When we got to the front door, it suddenly occurred to me that I should have called Max before I came home. But I was fairly sure he wouldn’t mind.  
Katia smiled at me. “I can’t wait to see your place.”  
“It’s kinda small, but I think you’ll find it pleasant.”  
We went inside and headed upstairs.1313 Straight Street, recently reopened after massive amounts of reconstructive work on a huge crack in the street and the removal of an interdimensional portal. Locals call it seedy, tenants call it a literal hellhole. I call it home.  
Apartment 202 has had a massive amount of repair work done over the years. Mostly repairing holes in the wall. Our apartment had been completely renovated and since there was now more room, we decided to install a stove and buy a bed so I wouldn’t have to sleep at my desk anymore. I was looking forward to lying down and relaxing, but when I went to open the door, the door opened by itself.  
Out of the door stepped a very well--dressed and well-endowed tanuki. He paid us little mind and went on his way downstairs, whistling a happy tune.  
“Do you know him?” asked Katia.  
“No, I don’t. Max never introduced me to him.”  
“Who’s Max?”  
“Oh, right, I never told you about Max…”  
Without uttering another word, I opened up the door and the two of us stepped into the apartment. My partner in law was sitting at the old, well-worn desk which I had acquired from the public school me and Max attended as children. He was buck naked, his fur was wet and he was partially erect, so it didn’t take a detective to figure out what had happened while I was out.  
“Katia, this is Maxwell Cottontail. He’s my best friend, my partner in law and he’s apparently just had sex with a Japanese businessman.”  
Max glared at me. “You could have told me when you were coming home.”  
“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know you had company over.”  
“I told you before you left that I was having a meeting. Besides, at least I showered off.” Max got up and walked over to greet us. “So, you must be… Katie, right?”  
“Katia,” I corrected.  
“I was talking to HER, Sam.” Max turned to Katia and smiled as pleasantly as a psychotic rabbit could. “You want tea or anything?”  
“Earl grey, please,” Katia responded quietly.  
“Oh, you CAN talk. I was confused for a second there.”  
“Be nice, Max. She’s not used to socializing.”  
Max sighed. “I’m sorry. Just call me before you come home next time.” Before too long, Max was over by the kettle. While he worked, Katia turned to me.  
“So how long have you two known each other?”  
“Since the age of about five, I think. The beginning of elementary school, at the latest.  
“Twenty five years, huh? Seems like you two were good friends before I was even born.”  
“Well, consistent friends, at least.”  
Max began brewing the tea and joined in on our conversation. “You know I can hear you.”  
“You know you can’t argue with my statements.”  
“Touché.”  
Max pulled up a chair and sat down for a moment, still very much erect. It was a bit distracting. Katia and I pulled up another two chairs and sat down. Not wanting to spend the rest of the evening in silence, I decided to break the ice. “Max, are you, um… feeling alright?”  
“I’ll be honest, not really. I invite this guy into my home and make him tea, in return he fills my ass with jizz and then leaves without so much as an arigatou.”  
Katia spoke up. “So you’re a bottom, then?” Max looked up at her and she immediately covered her mouth in embarrassment.  
“If by bottom, you mean I like to get fucked more than I like fucking, then yes I am.”  
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked…”  
“No, by all means. I’d love to talk about my sex life. It’s fun to talk about!”  
“Is... he being facetious?”  
I shrugged. “I can never tell.”  
Max tugged on his ears and groaned. “I’m really sorry for being so short with you. I’m just pissed that I didn’t get a chance to cum before the guy just decided he was done with me.”  
Katia sighed and leaned backwards. “Yeah, guys like that are the worst. And they’re always so poetic beforehand, trying to lure you in with Keats and Shakespeare…”  
“Exactly! They all think they’re the most charming motherfucker on the planet when they’re all going by exactly the same guidebook. And they wait for you to order a drink so they can order the exact same thing.”  
“Yeah. Just one more reason why I stopped drinking.”  
Max was smiling happily again. I was almost impressed. “You said your name was Katia, right?”  
“Yeah. Why?”  
“Just trying to learn it. I’ve got a feeling I’m going to be seeing you a lot in the future.” Max got up to finish brewing the tea. I turned to Katia and grinned.  
“You know,” I said, “I think Max likes you.”  
“He’s pretty charming when he’s not cranky.”  
“Sweet talk is just one of his many talents. That mouth has more uses than a Swiss Army knife.”  
Max piped up from across the room. “My specialty is hands-free wood carving!”  
We shared a good laugh while Max brought the tea over, and we sat for a while discussing our respective living conditions. Katia was living down in Brooklyn with a friend of hers named Quill-Weave. I made a mental note to bring her home later.  
Max and I regaled Katia with tales of our past adventures in foreign lands and supernatural locales. Katia sat fixed on the conversation. She seemed to find the idea of adventure rather inviting.  
Around four o’clock, Max gazed up at the clock. “Yikes, is it four already? I gotta get going!”  
“Where are you going?” I asked.  
“I promised Flint Paper I’d help him out with a gang bust tonight. I gotta meet up with him and go over the plan for tonight.” Max got up and rushed out. “I’ll be next door for about half an hour. After that, I don’t know where I’m going. You two have fun!”  
The door slammed. Katia and I turned to each other in confusion.  
“Are you comfortable?”  
“I think so,” said Katia. “Why do you ask?”  
“You seemed kind of… anxious about something just now.”  
“I was just thinking about all those adventures you and Max talked about. It seems like you’ve done everything together except each other.”  
I chuckled lightly. “Yeah… uh, about that…”  
Katia’s eyes went wide. “You mean you’ve had sex with Max?”  
“Katia, Max and I are strictly friends. We occasionally become friends with benefits but we have never been in a romantic relationship.”  
“But you have had sex?”  
“It’s purely for relief. I pound his ass, he sucks my dick, we shower separately and that’s the end of it.”  
“Oh my god, that’s… just… wow.”  
“Is that a problem?”  
“Not really. I think it’s cute that you two are good enough friends to trust each other with that kind of thing.” Katia sighed and went to go sit down on the bed. Suddenly, she seemed rather despondent. “Besides, I’m... hardly one to judge other people’s sex lives.”  
I got up to sit beside her on the bed. “I’m sorry. Is there something you want to tell me?”  
Katia took a deep breath and spoke quietly. “The reason why I came to America in the first place was that… I wanted to distance myself from the life I lived out in Bristol. I wanted to be something other than…” She couldn’t finish her sentence, but I understood what she meant. I felt terrible for asking.  
I put my hand on her shoulder. “For what it’s worth,” I said, “you are.”  
The two of us stared into each other’s eyes. I don’t think there was any doubt that we loved each other. “I love you,” she whispered.  
“I love you too.” We slowly leaned in towards each other and sealed our love with a kiss. It felt wonderful. She and I both knew that we were taking things quickly, but we didn’t mind. “Ready for the fun part?”  
“I’ve been ready all night.” With that, I took my tie off and started unbuttoning my shirt. Katia unzipped her hoodie, revealing a white v-neck t-shirt underneath. Soon enough, I was topless, and Katia was about to take off her bra.  
“May I?” I asked, trying to be a gentleman.  
“You may.” She smiled and leaned forward. I reached my hands around her back, fumbling a bit with the clasp. After about five seconds I got it loose and slowly slipped the bra from her shoulders. I took a moment to admire her smooth breasts before allowing myself to get handsy. We embraced and kissed again, passionately, while sifting our fingers through each other’s fur. She was an expert at this.  
After the make-out, I could feel my manhood crying out for freedom. I reached over to the nightstand and searched through the designated sex drawer. Dildos, condoms, vibrators, lube… I had more than everything I needed. I pulled out a tub of lube and put it aside for later.  
I started taking off my belt and pants, and Katia took off her jeans. Soon we were both down to our underpants. Katia got on all fours and started nuzzling up to my crotch. The second she pulled down my boxers, my cock sprung up like a jack in the box. She pulled down her panties and laid on her back. Quick as lightning, I got a condom from the drawer, unwrapped it, and rolled it out over my dick. I then opened the tub of lube and rubbed down my crotch before mounting Katia.  
“I hope you’re ready.”  
“Go ahead. You have permission to fuck me.”  
I smiled and quickly jammed myself into her pussy. She moaned with pleasure. I pulled back and went in again, and again, repeatedly. I felt alive for the first time in a long while. My knot started to swell, meaning I was locked in for the rest of the ride. Katia was now starting to gasp out “Oh God” on repeat.  
After a long while, I started getting faster with my strokes. I was in heaven. Finally, I finished up. I could feel cum dripping down my cock., and soon after I could feel Katia’s juices flowing among them. The inside of her felt incredible. But then something occurred to me. I wasn’t supposed to be feeling her inside.  
I pulled out of Katia and checked my penis. “Oh no,” I whispered. “Oh no no no…” I pulled off the condom and checked it. No denying it: the tip had torn. “Oh god damn it!”  
Katia, just now regaining her senses, sat up and looked at me. “What? What happened?”  
“Are you on the pill, by chance?”  
“No, why?”  
I put my head in my hands. “The condom broke.”  
Katia processed this. “Oh. That’s...going to be an issue.”  
“I took all the precautions. I used protection, I used lubrication and the stupid thing still just popped.”  
Katia wrapped her arms around me. “Okay. Just… don’t panic. Maybe it won’t take. Unprotected sex doesn’t always cause pregnancy.”  
“Yeah, when the couple is past their thirties. Or gay.”  
Katia headed into the bathroom to clean off. “Maybe I should head home soon…”  
I sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling like I had cheated her out of freedom. “I’m really sorry about this.”  
“Don't be. You never could have predicted this.” Katia, looking concerned and saddened, closed the bathroom door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.  
I had been in life and death situations before, including many where the fate of the world was at stake, but never in my life have I never been more at a loss for what to do. I sat and thought about the situation for a long while.  
Finally, Katia finished showering and came out of the bathroom. “I had a lovely time with you,” she said. “I suppose I’d better get going.”  
Before she could go, I spoke up. “Wait, Katia. I’d like to take you home.”  
Katia seemed surprised. “You would?”  
“You’ve been nothing but good to me the entire time we’ve been together. The least I can do is try and make up for what happened.”  
She smiled. “Thank you, Sam.”  
I walked into the bathroom to clean myself off quickly. Unlike Max, I wasn’t comfortable walking around naked and jizz-encrusted in below-freezing weather.

* * *

5:50 PM

The walk to Katia’s apartment took quite some time. I didn't want to spend it in silence, so I tried as best as I could to talk things over.  
“So… I feel like an asshole.”  
“It’s not your fault the rubber broke.”  
“I know. I just feel like I shouldn't have rushed into this so quickly.”  
“We both rushed into it. You’re a very nice guy. And besides, I wasn't forcing you to wear a condom anyhow.”  
Suddenly it clicked in my head that I may have been blowing this issue out of proportion. “Wait… you mean you don’t care about the condom?”  
“Well, I’m flattered that you felt the need to remember protection. But you didn’t have to do that on my account.”  
“I didn’t want to burden you with responsibility of a kid. I mean, you don’t even have a job yet.”  
“I’ve.. been meaning to ask you about that all night.”  
“About jobs? Why?”  
“Well, I was hoping maybe I could… join you and Max as a member of the Freelance Police.”  
I was stunned. “You actually want to be a freelance policewoman?”  
“Is that not something you’d be okay with?”  
“Are you kidding? I would LOVE to have you in the office. The pay is great, it doesn’t require extensive experience, and I’m sure you’re skilled enough to handle yourself in dangerous situations.”  
Katia’s eyes lit up with joy. “You’d really have me?”  
“Katia, if I had an employment contract on hand, I’d give you a job right here and now. But for the time being, how about we exchange info and set up an enrollment meeting soon?”  
Katia looked like she was about to cry tears of happiness. “Thank you. SO much…” She hugged me tightly and I returned the favor. Afterwards, we put our contact info into each other’s phones and swapped them back. Not long after, we arrived at the address where Katia said she was staying.  
“So, I guess this is goodnight for now. That date was… fun. Maybe we could do it again sometime.”  
Katia buzzed into the apartment, but no one answered. Apparently, Quill-Weave was out of the building at the moment. “Actually, why don’t you come upstairs with me?”  
“Upstairs? Why?”  
She unlocked the front door and motioned for me to come in. “So we don’t have to call it an accident.”  
I considered my current situation, and given the circumstances, decided: “Fuck it. Let’s go crazy.” She smiled and let me in the door. “So, are we a couple again?”  
“We never stopped being one.” Katia shut the door and led me upstairs. I quickly texted Max to let him know that I’d be late coming home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Depending on the reception this story gets, I may add another part to it, or more than one if the narrative calls for it. Please let me know what your thoughts are in the comments below and I'll be sure to keep them in mind for future chapters and/or revisions. I really hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
